my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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