I skipped work to stalk him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
