now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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