You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
