How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
