I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I am mentally ready for anal.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
