you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
