We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
