Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
