roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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