you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
