My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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