You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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