please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize