hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
