i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
