Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
