where does the pee come out of this thing
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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