she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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