according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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