So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
