The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
