Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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