I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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