i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
