he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
