i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
nutella sex= disaster
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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