the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
