the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
