We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
