i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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