After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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