help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
