fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
