I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
did i just pee glitter
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
