Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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