these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
