I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize