My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
