I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Drake has all the answers
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
