Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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