Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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