i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
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