OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
