His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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