so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
