I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize