I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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