one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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