why didn't you poke me back
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
