you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
