Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
