he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
