i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
