i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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