Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
