Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
