i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Randomize
