so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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