Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
