nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
