dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
