I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
