i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My penis needs a shock collar
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
