I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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