pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
