consequently i now know what mace tastes like
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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