I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she told me i tasted like america
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
