I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
