He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
