then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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