Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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