mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
