Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
