How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
