ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
