When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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